fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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