Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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