so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
