There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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