I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
