Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
