I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
