For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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