you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
worst night to have a conscience
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
