I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
