feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Of course I have a pirate flag
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
