Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
