I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
