if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
