they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
