Umm I'm too high to move.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
