I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
