Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
