That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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