dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
