my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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