Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
