You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
