My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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