I wannas sexs uuuuu
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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