You work out of a Hotel?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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