dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
