Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
