Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
