i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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