bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
