I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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