barbara walters just said penis...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
