She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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