Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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