I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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