Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
how drunk are you?
Several
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
