when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
