Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
