the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
