I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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