Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
