we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
