dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
