I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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