Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Fuck appropriateness.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
