just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
