WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
