I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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