Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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