nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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