he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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