So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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