you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I would ride that face into the sunset
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
