I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
