ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
