i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
