I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I love you.
Bad choice
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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