why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
