Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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